Please listen carefully …
Posted on Saturday 16th February 2008
One of the nurses had the following as a ringtone on her phone. Unlike most novelty ringtones which are irritating beyond belief, this one actually amused me.
A fuller transcript is as follows:
Hello. Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line while we trace your call.
If you are schizophrenic, please listen carefully and the voices will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn’t matter which number you press, no one will answer.
If you suffer from generalized anxiety disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.
If you are dyslexic, press A
If you are neurotic, you will have already pushed everybody else’s buttons.
If you are phobic, don’t press anything.
If you are anal retentive, please hold.
If you have short-term memory loss, the options will be repeated.
That is different for a ring tone have to say
Made me laugh out loud!
Ed